Day 121

Alright, folks...no talk today about my morning and afternoon. Today, I can only reproduce what I was WITNESS to tonight...35 flag-draped caskets...heading home to America. I really don't know any better way to write tonight but to just re-create my memories onto this screen. Only 3 days ago, I did that when I attended my first Fallen Comrade Ceremony. Little did I know that late, late Friday night, we would lose 30 more then another 5 over the weekend. Oh, America...

Stock Photo

"I heard earlier today that we needed to be formed up on the flight line by 8pm tonight or 11:30am EST. I was very busy today so I ended up skipping dinner and heading to the flight line. As I turned the corner on the flight line towards the large C-17s which would carry our Fallen home, I saw the growing crowd of fellow service-members. Once I got into the crowd, I found a spot in the front row of the formation. From my vantage point, a large hangar, big enough for a C-17 was to my left and the doors were wide open. Inside, there were troops in formation on both sides. At the rear center, the commonly seen rifle pointed down, helmet on top, boots in front, and dog tags hanging...just like you see on the right side of my blog. On the floor in front of these memorials for the Fallen, soldiers kneeled and embraced each other as they grieved their fallen brothers. Outside, we were waiting for 8pm (local) to come around when the ceremony was to begin. Directly across from me, there was a large space as wide as the hangar opening and another mass of soldiers facing us. To my right, two C-17s waited with their rear cargo doors wide open, ready to receive the Fallen. They were angled inward, rear-facing. Inside the cargo bays, the final preps were being made to secure the Fallen for their long ride home.

Stock Photo of K-Loader with C-17 behind it

The crowd was large...in the hundreds, for sure. As 8pm arrived and passed by, the ceremony did not start. Soon, though, the engines on the C-17s quieted and the flight line shut down. Nothing. No sound, no jet engines nearby...just silence. The band that I saw from a few days ago was on the opposite side of me, facing me. They began to play very ceremonial/somber music. Then, off to my right, "K-Loaders" approached. K-Loaders (stock photo shown here) are the very large "vehicles" used to load air pallets onto cargo aircraft. They can lift their decks straight up and down. Due to the large number of Fallen, these were being used to bring the Fallen to us. Slowly...very slowly...four fully-loaded K-Loaders approached from the right and stopped in between the two staged C-17s. Then, the crowd was called to attention and gobs of soldiers came forward and formed up between the K-Loaders. A group of 8 climbed on top and stood to the sides of two rows of caskets. Their job was to bring the caskets forward to those who would carry them into the hangar. Down in front of the K-Loader, fellow Special Forces sailors and soldiers lined up in quantities of 8 per casket and slowly removed and carried each casket right by me from right to left and into the hangar. One by one by one...each casket passed by. The crowd, including myself, held our salute until every member had been brought in. As each group of 8 arrived in the hangar, I watched as they slowly lowered each Hero to the ground, slowly rose to their feet, then in unison, slowly saluted the Hero they just carried in. This happened for each of the 35 Americans in caskets.

After all the caskets were brought in, the K-Loaders drove away and opened the space up yet again between the two C-17s. Back in the hangar, one of the Chaplains approached the microphone and prayed for the soldiers. Once complete, the names...every name was read aloud. A member from each community came forward and stated the rank and name of every person. The Navy SEALs were hit especially hard and 22 names were read. Next, the Air Force members who died were read (I'm not sure how many were Air Force...I am sure one was a Tech Sergeant Medic). After this, an Army Ranger came up and read the names of his Fallen. Lastly, a Marine came up and read 3 more names and ended with "Semper Fidelis." 35 names...35 Heroes. Now that the names were read, the band began to play once again. It was a smooth, somber type of music. I didn't recognize any of it.

I was beginning to wonder: 'Why aren't I crying? Don't I feel anything?' I was feeling guilty...like I was supposed to cry. 'Look at all those flag-draped caskets...don't you feel anything??' I thought to myself. Looking back now, I was numb to it. Yea, I felt it...I felt the sorrow, I grieved for the families of the Fallen,  I looked at the flags which wrapped the corners of the caskets and thought about all that flag stands for and the price paid for what it stands for. Inside, I wanted deeply for my friends and family to witness this...I wanted AMERICA to witness it. On the outside, though, I just stared..and listened to the names, not moving one muscle.

Stock Photo inside C-17 of previous Fallen

"Present...ARMS!"... the order to salute. In unison, we all slowly raised our arms to salute once again. In groups of about 8 at a time, the soldiers bent down and lifted each Hero up, turned them around to face the correct direction (feet always first), then slowly...very slowly carried them towards one of the two waiting C-17s. As they passed, I looked at each person who passed and their faces. Many, many of them had beards. This is normal for Special Forces and SEALs as they often are with the Afghans and try to blend in a bit. I saw Trident after Trident on upper left chests of those carrying the Fallen. They are fellow SEALs...carrying their brothers HOME. No expressions, no tears...just staring straight ahead and keeping a firm grasp on the metal handles. As the rows formed at the rear of the C-17s off to my right, they turned the Fallen around one more time so that when they arrive at Dover Air Force Base, they will be ready to come off the aircraft in the proper direction. One by one, they took each Hero into the C-17 and slowly lowered them to the deck plates and rendered their final salute before leaving the aircraft via the front door. Wave after wave after wave until every last one had passed by me and been loaded.  The band played the entire time and we held that salute under ordered to put it down. In the photo above, count those American Flags...how many do you see? Now double that. That's about how many passed me by tonight."

Friends, tonight was heartbreaking. I didn't say a word afterwards. I got in the car and while others talked, I just sat there, not knowing what I was feeling or what I should be feeling. I was honored to have been there but where are the tears? I got back to my room and knew I needed to write tonight but knew I had to take a shower, pop some popcorn, and RELAX. That was the only way I was going to write anything. I did that, turned on the TV and guess what was on..."Coming Home"!!!! Seriously? Is that God's idea of humor? Goodness gracious...watching little girls on TV greet their daddies home from war melts my heart each time I see it. I was an emotional wreck! After some smiles and laughter, I finally sat down to write to you. Now it's done...it's about 12:30am here and I'm wiped out.

I hope I never witness anything like this ever again. Am I glad I went? Absolutely. I really "felt" like I was standing there and saluting for all of my friends and family...in their place, you might say. I felt the love of them, too, and thought about them often throughout the ceremony. I also thought about the journey these Heroes would take. As I type this, they are probably cruising at 35,000 feet, en route to Dover Air Force Base where the military mortuary will take over. Many families will be there to witness their arrival. I imagine that the news will cover it as well if the family members agree...that's the way that works...it's up to the families if it gets broadcast to the world. After Mortuary Affairs finishes, the Heroes will begin their trip to their final resting place.

Friends, please pray for the families..the wives, children, brothers, sisters, extended family, and good friends whose grieving process has just begun. While most of America is fretting over the stock market, they are en route to Dover to welcome their Heroes home. Please remember them.

Goodnight, everyone.