Day 45

Not every day is a good one. Today is one of those days. It started off pretty good but after a 10am meeting that was completely worthless, I headed to lunch that was the worst lunch to date in my 45 days. Remember my MREs from back at combat training...remember "lean up against a rock or 'something?" I'd rather eat one of those pre-made meals then the garbage I had at lunch. I could hardly even see it because it was so dark in there. Perhaps, that wasn't on accident. After lunch, I got sucked into a 1pm meeting I didn't know about which lasted almost 2 1/2 hours. The good thing about this meeting is that I had the opportunity to stand up in front of a bunch of senior Army officers and state the shortcomings I found out about yesterday. They were like "deer in the headlights"...like they had no idea. So, I lifted the rock, showed what's underneath it, and now it's time to sit back and see what comes from it. What needs to be done is far higher than what my paygrade allows. :-)

After the meeting, I went and called Tin Man and Scarecrow. It had been too long since we last talked. They both are doing well, we talked about the DVD's I sent home for them and how they took "Flat Daddy" to school. Flat Daddy is the life-size, waist-up version of me in my Navy uniform...on cork board. From the pictures I've seen, it looked like fun. I asked Scarecrow about it and one thing was on her mind...and it was upsetting her...kids kept hitting it at school. That made me livid in a matter of seconds. Not that I care about the literal hitting, but I could hear the hurt in her voice. That was a big deal to take "me" to school that day. Well, that won't be happening again. "Flat Daddy, you stay home! You've done your time. Time for you to stay indoors and keep the family...and the cats company.  Afterwards, I stopped by the mail pickup and my day was made whole again. A care package waiting for me from Dorothy, Tin Man, and Scarecrow and it took only 5 days! Amazing! A couple of great things inside, one of which was my portable espresso pot. Back home, I brew Italian stovetop espresso every morning. Now, thanks to Dorothy, I can brew my Italian espresso again. Also, some running magazines, my Consumer Reports, some drawings from Tin Man and Scarecrow, deodorant, and something that is really special to me.

OK, it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but them...and me. They put this little bear in there. If you saw my girls at bedtime, you'd see lots of bears like this. They are special to them. On the shirt of this bear is an angel. I remember when this angel showed up at our house one day right before I left. It was given to them as a gift along with a note of encouragement about me leaving. Now, they sent that angel here...attached to a bear that I "know" means something to them. It's that...that conscious decision by them to send this bear to me which reaches in and grabs my heart. I hope they don't mind, but thanks to the Army providing me with big, fat pockets on my pants, this bear is going for a ride. Dorothy, please show Tin Man and Scarecrow today's post and this message: "Tin Man and Scarecrow, I promise to you both to carry this bear with me everywhere I go from now until I walk off the plane in Kansas. Ask me then and only then will I bring it back out. Until then, it is going with me as a reminder of you both. I love you and miss you both more than you know!"

In the evening and after another mediocre meal, I spent much of the evening in front of the computer reading about news back in Kansas where my community has turned it's back on the community by deciding yet again not support our school system. Prior to my journey here to Oz, I was heavily involved in that levy campaign so this official news that so much is being cut this fall is really tough to hear. Dorothy and I now have some tough decisions to make and once again, the "military spouse" is to be burdened more as I can only do so much from here. This is a prime example of feeling helpless to her back home and I hate it. Yea, hate is bad but it's how I feel. Dorothy is doing so much more than me. She really is. I have always said...always, that my service takes two people and I am but 50% of that singular service. She is doing it and doing it well. This is yet another thing that influences my constant thoughts about my future in the Navy after my deployment ends. I am not wired to be away from her like this. Back in my 20s, it was easier for some reason. No kids, she was in college...it was just different. There are people out here...voluntarily...on their FIFTH deployment and they're married. I just don't get it.  But Dorothy, she's rock hard, doing great and I'm proud of her. She knows this is temporary and is doing what needs to be done. She also has great support from family and friends and we are both very grateful for it all. We just need to buckle down and "git 'er done!"

Goodnight, everyone. I think I need to cuddle up with that bear. Today isn't ending so well and perhaps the bear will save the day.