Day 120

120 is a nice round number, isn't it? That's a good solid 4 months DONE. I left "Kansas" on a Sunday, too, so yea...definitely 4 months gone. I'll tell you straight up...I didn't dive into my sorrowful abyss today which happens on many, many Sundays. After I wrote last night's blog, I downloaded Skype to my new MacBook Pro that arrived last week and amazingly, it works inside my room with a very week WiFi signal that I created. So, I talked to my girls for a bit and saw them (AWESOME!!) then spent some time alone with "Dorothy." She totally doesn't get it, but I could just sit there or lay there and just stare at her for hours on end. We ran out of things to talk about so we ended up saying goodbye but I would've been perfectly fine with just spending time with her...silent or not. So that was a great way to end yesterday. It kept me up past midnight but it was well worth it.

This morning, I woke up at normal time, intent on working until around lunch then getting out of there. I was actually very busy all morning but around 1pm, I left. It was 97F today so I went straight back to my CHU where it was nice and cool and crawled into bed. Not too long after that, my youngest brother and his family called on Skype so I got to see all of them and talk for awhile. He just ran his longest ever (19 miles) trail run yesterday, too. He'll be running his first 50K on September 17th at one of my all time favorite races..in a Navy PT shirt! Pretty cool, I'd say. After that, I dozed off for an hour or two..who knows how long, then awoke to just lay there and watch some TV. As I noticed the sun was beginning to set and temperature begin to drop, I got my running gear on, complete with clear, ballistic glasses and neck gaiter pulled up to my eyeballs to keep all the crud out of my lungs and eyes. Have I mentioned I strongly dislike running here? I despise it but not as much as I despise the treadmill so outside it is. My shoes are now way beyond trashed and feel now like they're minimalist shoes. To my fortune, though, Dorothy mailed me a care package last week with a used pair of Brooks Glycerins from out of my garage. I have a brand new pair of Brooks at home but there is no way I'm wearing them out here. No shoe run in here should ever leave this place. The dust and filth simply destroys them...way worse than any trail mud I've ever run in.

Tonight on my perimeter run, I was mentally consumed by my fellow sailors, Navy SEALs who were killed two nights ago as they returned from a mission, about a 30 minute helo ride south of my location. I ended up dedicating tonight's run to them as I ran with Mr. Moon. I couldn't stop thinking about the Fallen Comrade Ceremony that will soon happen here. 30 metal caskets...30 American Flags...and 8 soldiers per casket to carry each one aboard an Air Force C-17.  While I was in the office today, I exchanged some e-mails with an Army medical officer who was involved with Mortuary Affairs here on base. I once again volunteered myself to do anything at anytime for the Fallen. I won't be called, though...there is a HUGE outpouring of support here on the base for these heroes and I'm just not in the mix for being able to be a part. I really wish I could, though. Anyway, as I ran around the base, I was planning to stop in at the office again to check a few things online and had a post that was running through my head, over and over and over again...sort of a tribute to them. So, I quickly logged on to my Facebook account and posted the following:

"I am proud to be a U.S. Navy sailor. From E-1 to O-10, we stand as one when we lose our own. From deckplate sailors to engineers, to doctors, to mechanics, to pilots, and to Navy SEALs...we mourn together but even greater, we celebrate the Fallen's lives and heroic service and sacrifice to our country."

It really is true, isn't it? Shouldn't we celebrate them and all they did for our country? I think we should. We should mourn, too but it should be followed by celebrating their lives. They took the fight to the nastiest parts of the enemy where no one else on the planet will go. They were/are our country's finest and most elite fighting force. America: we lost so much on that downed Chinook. Can't we just leave the credit rating and stock market out of the news for just a day or two? Can we not get our priorities in line, even in a time like this?

I got back on the road, still consumed by their loss and thought again to the movie, Taking Chance. If you have not seen it, I am asking you...no, I am begging you to find it and rent it/buy it and watch it. Watch it as a family, too. There is nothing in it that a child cannot see. We watched it when my girls were 6 and 8 and I've watched it several more times. It is the true story of a Marine officer who escorts a fallen Marine home, starting at Dover Air Force Base. Dover is where these Fallen will go in the next few days. As I type this now, many of the Fallen's families are packing their things to go there. (the military flies the Next of Kin to Dover for free if they want to go) Back a few years ago, the military opened it up for families to witness their loved ones brought off the C-17, very ceremoniously before they are prepared for their journey home. The movie, in my opinion, is one that every single American should see. You will be forever changed, I promise you. Most of you live near a RedBox...check there. We found it there last year. Please watch it. There's another reason I thought about this movie tonight again. On my run, I always pass this diagonal road that has this little, homemade sign at the entrance that reads "Mortuary Affairs." Down that road only a few hundred yards are the Fallen Heroes that the world is talking about right now, being prepared to go home. Man, it was just overwhelming...the shear number of them....30 of our nation's finest. From what I am hearing now...22 are Navy SEALs, 8 are Marines and/or Army, and even a Navy SEAL dog was lost. Also killed was an Afghan interpreter and 7 Afghan soldiers.

Back in my room, I showered and made up a Mac-n-Cheese that a friend had sent me as well as a Larabar...and here I am. Today, I also received my re-deployment orders. In plain English, that means I received my GOING HOME orders! I'm still a good ways out from leaving but it's nice to know a key piece of the puzzle to putting me back on that Yellow Brick Road is in place. It's kinda like moving the jetway at the airport up to the plane so folks can get on or off. It's just that the plane isn't leaving anytime soon! Awesome to have in my grubby paws. With that, folks...I bid you all farewell and a great new week. If by chance our Fallen prompted you to fly Old Glory...consider leaving her out every day. Deal?

Goodnight, everyone.

Day 119

Friends...family...supporters...it's been a very sad day for America. By the time you read this, I must assume you've run across some headline referring to the crashed Chinook helicopter that was shot down here. Besides doing my job, that consumed everyone today and continues to be the topic of discussion here as we await our fallen heroes to arrive here on my base.

My day started like any other...that is, if you count my day starting at 5am or so when I wake up. Technically, though, 12:45am is "today" so really, it did not start like any other day. It's not easy to scream on my blog but let me try: "INCOMING, INCOMING, INCOMING!!!!!! (insert screaming siren) INCOMING, INCOMING, INCOMING!!!! Hmmm..nice alarm clock. About 10 seconds later, I hear and feel a BOOM!!! Yep, another rocket attack and obviously, it hit and it's not too far from me. I had never heard the incoming siren before, though. That was unsettling and made me sit straight up in my bed. Like I always do during rocket attacks, I immediately texted in that I was fine. A full accountability has to be done whenever this happens. About 15min later, the all-clear was given. Later on in the day, I learned no one was hurt. GREAT NEWS!!! I fell back asleep after the all-clear and slept the rest of the night.

Our Marine colonel was coming into "town" and I was his ride from the helicopter terminal to the office. It was delayed so I spent over an hour in the sun just watching BlackHawk helicopters land and take off. Soon after he landed and we returned to the office, I heard the news of the crash. A Chinook helicopter, the easily recognizable double-prop passenger/cargo helo that can carry large numbers of personnel, was shot down by insurgents as they returned from a mission, not too far south of me...about a 30min helo ride, to be exact. The details were sketchy throughout the day except for how many. 38 was the total count and we initially thought it was all Americans. Turns out, 31 are Americans and 7 were Afghan soldiers. Very bad, though, is that they are almost all U.S. Navy SEALs. Worse yet, most were part of SEAL Team 6...the ones who took out Osama bin Laden. I have no doubt that I've walked by some of these heroes as I walk this base. They don't wear uniforms, they often have beards, they have fake IDs, and everything they do is totally top secret. They also are our nation's most elite fighting force. They are true warriors in the rawest sense of the word.

In this part of the country, it's mountainous. The Chinook is like a big, fat, flying elephant in the sky. Add that to having to fly around mountains where insurgents hide with shoulder-mounted RPGs (rocket-propelled grenades), it's very dangerous. There's no way the insurgents knew the occupants of this helicopter but as the headlines hit, they are probably celebrating their victory..especially when they found out it had SEAL Team 6 onboard. They sicken me.

So now what? The fallen heroes begin the long trip home. They will be brought here to my base first where the mortuary will prepare them for the trip to Dover Air Force Base. All 31 of them. 31 metal caskets. 31 American Flags, and 8 soldiers per fallen hero will take a handle and carry them onboard the aircraft for the trip home. As they arrive here and are ready, the time will draw close to probably the largest-ever Fallen Comrade Ceremony that will take place here. From what I hear, they want to take them all home together, on the same aircraft. Such an aircraft will have to be the C-17 or something even larger. I cannot even begin to imagine 31 metal, flag-draped caskets on the deck of the aircraft. It is such a sad day for America. I recommend you start checking over the next few days that link I refer to often on the right side of the page for the Department of Defense. I expect that one post on a single day will list all 31 fallen heroes. Names, ages, hometowns, service, rank, command attached to, and how they died. There is a chance they won't be listed because they are SEALs but I'd still check...I know I will.

I just don't know what else to say today. I am just numb about it all and so sad for the many, many families back home. I can't see any better fitting thing to do but pray for them. Also, in honor of the fallen SEALs, I think it would be fitting to display their famed Trident device on my blog today. RIP, brothers.

Goodnight, everyone. Pray hard for the families.

Day 118

Today started almost normal...I normally am the typical Spring chicken, hoppin' out of bed, brewing the espresso and getting the day moving. Today I just laid there, not wanting to move. Eventually, the clock moved in such a way that forced me out. On with the day...

Each Friday, I have a 9:30am meeting which is about 1/2 mile away. I got there about 15min early, only to find signs taped to doors that read things like "Go to the flight line immediately" or "Closed for Fallen Comrade Ceremony." OK, that last one made a whole lot more sense to me. Clearly, the host of my 9:30am meeting had another member killed. They are a Guard unit out of Oklahoma and have only been here about a month.

I had never been to a Fallen Comrade Ceremony but sadly, they happen all too often here as we are the main base that fallen service-members are flown out of and we also have a mortuary. Today, though, I was a very short walk from the flight line where it was going to be held any moment. I hustled over there quickly and out to the flight line. In the distance, I could see flags flying near a C-130 aircraft and a formation of a couple hundred soldiers. I quickened my pace to get there before anything started. The following is my personal account of what I witnessed next. If you've seen the movie Taking Chance, starring Kevin Bacon, what I witnessed is what happens in the very beginning of that movie when the fallen are loaded aboard the aircraft in the pouring rain. Today, though, it was hot and sunny like every other day here. So I stood at "parade rest" near the back of the formation of soldiers...

"I found my place near the back as to not disturb anyone around me. Everyone was standing at "parade rest" which is feet shoulder-width apart and hands folded at an angle at the small of our back. Everyone was still. I heard nothing but landing and departing aircraft in the distance. As usual, the wind was blowing. Directly out from me was the open backside of a large C-130 cargo plane. Flanking the ramp was the military band, ready to play. Also standing nearby but closer to me was a few ranks of soldiers numbering 16. Out of the corner of my right eye, two Humvees pulled up and stopped. I saw a few stars. I saw a few stripes. Our fallen comrades are in those Humvees. All of a sudden, shouts of "Attention!" were heard and everyone snapped to attention, including me. Next - "Present....ARMS!" As the hairs began to rise on my neck, I rendered the salute I had never rendered before. As an officer, I am saluted all day, every day up and down the road. Those salutes are quick..up and down and done. Today, though...rendering a salute to my fallen comrades is done slow...very slow. In unison, the entire formation I was standing in raised their right arms to the brim of their hats and eyes set intently forward. No movement. No sounds. Silence. Slowly, the two Humvees passed in front of us and the Stars and Stripes because clearly visible. Just like I'd seen in the movies and in photos, the caskets were metal and surrounded by handles. Old Glory  covered them and was secured to the top lid, leaving the shiny metal exposed at the bottom. As the Humvees came to a stop off to the left and left of center of the C-130, the order was given to lower our salutes. The 16 soldiers now marched very slowly and deliberately into position. 4 x 4 at each Humvee, ready to receive their fallen brothers-in-arms. The order was given again..."Present....ARMS!" Slowly, we saluted yet again. The 16 soldiers were removing the fallen and when the fallen move, honors are presented in the form of a salute. By this time, the band was playing right of center and near the C-130. I couldn't make out any of the music they were playing but it was very somber. Slowly...ever so slowly...the 16 soldiers stood end-to-end and started their slow march towards the ramp of the C-130. Their steps couldn't have been more than 6-12". In unison, though, they marched smartly with their brothers at their side, led by a Color Guard. We maintained our salute until the fallen had been lowered to the deck within the C-130. Outside, the band continued to play while the caskets were affixed to the flight-deck for their trip to Dover Air Force Base in the States where the mortuary would take care of them. At Dover, they would be cleaned and dressed in their full dress uniform with all earned medals properly worn...most of which will have a Purple Heart. Back at the airfield, the formation was dismissed but I stood and waited. I really wanted to see this to completion and in my head, I was thinking how I must never, ever forget this. I never wanted to forget the respect and honor these two men were shown today. I also forced my mind elsewhere. Silently, I was praying for their family and loved ones who only a day or so ago, had the well-known knock at the door, notifying them of what happened. It's not just the fallen I remember. I always think of the ripple effect of what has happened and what will last for a very long time to come. One of these soldiers was 37 years old..I am 38. The other is unknown as he was special forces so his identity, manner of death, etc. is top secret. Anyway, as I stood there and watched, the command chaplains stood at the ramp and awaited the lead chaplain who was still in the plane, praying over the fallen soldiers. Once he had finished, he exited and greeted the other chaplains. (Chaplains are everywhere when someone dies because often, fellow soldiers who were close to the fallen and may have been right there when it happened need someone to talk to who will listen...and perhaps even a shoulder to cry on. They have to be allowed to grieve.) As the chaplains conversed near the aircraft, I approached a fellow officer and inquired as to some particulars I was observing and she ended being a part of Combat Camera. She told me that they create a video of much of the events, starting at the mortuary and onto the C-130 and compile it into a DVD to be presented to the family at the funeral. They want to show families the honor their fallen loved ones were shown before going home. After the lead chaplain was done, I left. There was truly nothing else to be seen. The back hatch was closing and the C-130's engines were firing up."

Friends/family/supporters...I hope I never, ever forget what I witnessed today. As I stood there, I thought about how America is sleeping and has no idea about this. It was about 2am on the East Coast so that was true. It would soon be Friday morning for them, they'd awake and head to work. Over here, though, our fallen were in the sky, en route to the country they just gave their lives for. Heroes... The quiet...the honor...the respect they were shown as they departed reached deep, deep inside me and emotion flushed throughout...how could it not? They were not supposed to go home like that! But yet...there they lie, draped in the colors of their country, returning home far too early.

I have mentioned it before and will mention it again today. I have provided a link on the right side of my blog that takes you to the Department of Defense News Release website. It is updated around the clock and every fallen comrade is listed there after Next of Kin has been notified. Make it a point to stop by there every few days and acknowledge their sacrifice and pray for their family and loved ones who will soon receive them home. Thank you.

Goodnight, everyone.

Day 117

What can I say? It's Day 117. That little, tiny 4 month barrier teases at the doorstep. We're a good bit past halfway now and I'm creating milestones everywhere I look. I make them up so I'm constantly hitting something. The 120 day point (aka: 4 months), my advancement date on the 20th of this month, my 90 days/60 days/30 days to go points, the 1st days of the month, when my county fair is back in "Kansas," when the first day of school is, when major running events take place, when new personnel will show up, when MY relief shows up, when I check back into the Navy here in Afghanistan so they can put me on one of those C-17s and get me back on the Yellow Brick Road...all milestones. The key to survival truly is distraction...varied distraction. It makes the days vaporize in front of me. That doesn't mean time is moving quickly because it is not, but it gives me other things to distract me from just feeling sorry for myself because I miss HOME so bad. Tricky stuff!!!

So today...probably the busiest day yet. I've seen the coming storm for awhile and it appears that it's beginning. What storm? The storm of units scrambling to place major orders for items necessary for sustainment of their troops through the winter. Where I'm at, it gets down near zero degrees. Hard to believe when it was 97 flippin' degrees today. Things involving power generation (one of the major things I facilitate) and tents for troops to live in, eat in, and do just about anything in. Heck, in my short time here, I've pushed over $30 million through the pipeline...just me alone. I think I'll far surpass that in my 2nd half of time here. The best thing? I know what I'm doing, I have the answers they all want, and I know how to make it happen and happen efficiently. At one point, I had 3 soldiers standing at my desk today, completely confused on what to do next and once I was done with them, nothing could have made me happier than to hear: "It all makes sense now. Thank...You..." ...and so they went. The best parts of my job here are undoubtedly the times that I sit face-to-face with young soldiers and equip them with what they need to accomplish what their bosses are all over them for to get done. It gives me the "warm fuzzy" that my presence, while not a vacation in the sand, is serving a purpose. Without that, I'd be struggling far more inside than I already do.

This evening, all of our rooms were without power so I just hung around outside and didn't do much until power came back on and the A/C was pumping in my CHU again. Oh yea...I did go back to the chow hall and grabbed a cup of praline ice cream. I was hot, sticky, and like just plain yuck and that ice cream sounded too good not to go get. It's the only ice cream I'll eat here and is super good. I don't care for any other dessert out here...no cakes, cookies, or any other flavor of ice cream. Praline...that's where it's at!

As I was wrapping up this post, I came across a post that was put up online by a fellow sailor's wife. I must say...it really does sum up my life out here. The truest colors of people and friends have risen to the top and the opposite is also true. Such a great quote so I had to share it with you to close out today.

"There comes a time in your life, when you'll walk away from all the drama and people who created it. You'll surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."

Goodnight, everyone.

Day 116

Yesterday was a crazy day. Here in Oz, not much was happening but back in "Kansas," my mind was consumed by the local school levy. It was our 5th attempt to pass it. If it didn't pass, $600,000 in cuts was set to go including lost teachers, a huge cut in busing (including my girls) and big pay-to-play fees.  I've been deeply involved with the local levy committee since the 2nd attempt and voted via absentee over a month ago. Yesterday was the day and when I woke up this morning, the polls had just closed and fellow committee members were en route to the Board of Elections to await the results. Because my brain knew what was up as I slept all night, I slept horribly and woke up all night long, rolling over and checking my e-mail to see any and all updates then going back to sleep. In the end, we passed the levy!! It was a huge victory for us and after losing the May levy by 4 votes, we won this one by over 200 votes. That's great considering our committee was essentially out of money and very little campaigning was done and it's summertime back in "Kansas."

In the office this morning, I kept busy all day long. It's the same cycle I see every week with the ebbs and flows of activity. I'm either crammed with stuff or bored. More forward movement, as well, with the project I've been spearheading with my Marine colonel's support. "Comfortable" is a good word to describe how I feel right now in my position and simply hope to pass this well-oiled process to my future relief. I consistently see the danger that soldiers are encountering outside the barbed wire of my base and while I admire them and am thankful for them, I do not wish to be them. We all have our place and I really feel that I'm serving the warfighter well and making a difference. If I weren't, I'd really be struggling with justification of even being here.

After my normal Wednesday 5pm conference call with my counterparts Stateside, I gave Tin Man and Scarecrow a call after talking to Dorothy for awhile. A big box that I shipped home a few weeks ago finally arrived. Inside were birthstone pendants for both of the girls. Last night, Dorothy sent me a photo of them with them and they looked genuinely thrilled with them...not those fake kid smiles. They were really happy which in turn, made my night. So today, I just wanted to talk with them about them and find out how their 3rd VBS (Vacation Bible School) this summer was going so far this week. It sounds like it's been going really well.

Taking the stinky base shuttle back to my side of the base tonight, the new moon was in the clear sky...a sky that hasn't given one drop of precipitation since my arrival. I think it's amazing that I haven't seen a drop of anything since April. Absolutely nothing for over 3 months. I would love a good downpour right now. Anyway, I'm starting to close my eyes during times that I can and envision home. This envisioning of home and my family seems to ground me midday and calms me down. I can feel the stress and anxiety grow daily but thinking about them with my eyes closed...with no external distraction...they put me at ease. That's what I was doing tonight on the shuttle. It was an old school bus filled with Afghans and stunk so bad. I kept my cover on and my dark ballistic glasses and just shut my eyes. I prefer to keep my glasses on when I'm in their company so I can watch them closely while they can't see my eyes. I trust no one and question every movement towards and around me. I've heard too many stories of "friendlies" turning against coalition forces so dark glasses let me give the perception of the "tough American soldier" with my loaded weapon and allows me to keep a close eye on them. The overwhelming majority are completely harmless but I have no intention of being the next victim. Anyway, these little snippets of "me" time to escape home are becoming slightly addictive. They work for me.

Hey, did I mention that two weeks from this Saturday I will be promoted? Yep! I'm currently a Navy O-2 (Lieutenant Junior Grade) but will become an O-3 (Lieutenant). Today, I received my Oath of Office that I will state and swear to on August 20th while raising my right hand and then sign. My reserve center back home provided it and I'll send it on back afterwards. I'm really looking forward to this promotion. It has seemed like the day would never get here. Planning for it, I took one of my covers over to laundry today to have the new patch sewn on so I'll have the proper rank on there when it's time.

Goodnight, everyone.

Day 115

Today is one of those days where I really, really don't want to write. I woke, I worked, I didn't chew gum outside (it's Day 1 of Ramadan), and now I'm heading to bed. I wouldn't want a day to go by without a post, right? A post is a post is a post!

Goodnight, everyone.

Day 114

I don't know the official diagnosis of bi-polar, but I would guess it is characterized by lots of erratic lows and highs with not much control over it. If I'm right, my bet is that you might consider me bi-polar. I'm not, of course, but when I say this deployment is characterized by very low lows and moderate highs, I'm not kidding. It is every day for itself without fail. Today was a better day than most and I can't really tell you why. I woke up and stared it straight in the eye like every other so who knows. The normal banter between myself and the others in the office was back to normal again. I will say that it helped that the U.S. Marine colonel (the boss of our organization for the entire country) called very early on in the day needing "my" help and praised me pretty heavily for being the expert in what I'm handling over here. That was pretty cool to get that kind of feedback from an O-6 to an O-2. Little 'ol Navy Reservist me...from an active-duty Marine commanding officer. Yea, that was pretty darn cool that what I'm doing is being noticed. I suppose the best part is what he was calling about. It was regarding that point paper I wrote a few weeks ago about a major problem I saw and the solution I see, clear as day right in front of me. He was prepping for a call he was going to have tonight with the higher-ups back in the States and my point paper was the ammo in the barrel. We'll see how that call went when I get in tomorrow. I hope he got somewhere with it.

As the day wound down and the East Coast awoke, I made a round of calls back home. I hadn't talked to Tin Man and Scarecrow in quite some time so I finally got to talk to them...always a blessing to say "LUMU!" to them! A very quick chat with Dorothy as well. I also finally got in touch with my aunt who is in the hospital and should be released in a few days. If I were in the hospital, I'd think a call from Afghanistan would be pretty cool and so did she! After that and 3 attempts, I finally got a hold of my only remaining grandparent. She's 86 years young. I think the call from here was a little bit more "shaking" than to my aunt. She really didn't see it coming and didn't expect to hear from me until I was face-to-face with her. That really was a priceless conversation and I'm glad she finally answered. As the night wore on, my boss and I called it a night and headed on back to our rooms. It was Mongolian BBQ at the dining facility so I had a pretty satisfying meal tonight.

Back in my room, it was more and more e-mails and messages with my many friends were ran or volunteered at the 100-mile race back home in "Kansas." I swear...I just can't get enough of it. Again, the true colors of a great so many friends shown through. I'm very thankful to be a part of that community. Afterward, a quick sweep of my room and clean-up, a shower,and here I am...listening to some classical music streaming through my iPad. That portable WiFi hotspot I set up is barely hanging on but it works. Talk about a smart investment that was a total shot in the dark before I left "Kansas." I had no idea what to bring with me but that little Apple Airport Express has been THE creature comfort that no one else has and let's me best enjoy the few hours I get alone each night.

Oh yea...no more July. Hello August. :-)

Goodnight, everyone.